Thursday, 23 January 2014

Foolish fool! Foolery!

Yeah, you should be sad you felting b*****rd
 Full fooly fool thy foolery lies!

The problem - dare I even breathe it? - with all social networks is that they often contain people.
All sorts of people. Sometimes people being stupid, in public, where I cannot prevent them.

Okay, so here's what got my goat. I bought a lovely yarn, Sirdar Baby Bamboo, in a pretty bright spring green. This is a DK weight yarn, with around 75% bamboo and 25% wool, roughly. Nice, bouncy, cool, soft, breathable. Better - on discount.

So whilst I swatched this yarn for a cardigan I made the rookie error of going on to the yarn review page on Ravelry, just to see what other people thought, how they had dealt with it and what they had made. At this point I had knitted a sensible swatch, checked the washing intructions, and washed it. Whilst it dried, I idly flicked through the pages.

Hm. So, the first comments said 'Hey! This felts! I wore it once and washed it and it felted! I put it in the tumble drier and it came out..." Wait, wait, wait. You put it. In. The tumble drier. The big hot-agitation machine?  The Feltinator? And this has 25% wool? Are you at all surprised? That's like, sun comes up, water wet predictable. Somehow this is the yarns fault - so much the yarns fault that you took time out of your day to come on here and tell me that you did this? To this yarn? To your project?

I mentally sighed. But there was the next comment. "This yarn is all drapey and heavy! I knitted a baby sweater at 7 stitches to the inch and it's really heavy!" Back to the ball band. Yup. It's a DK. And it's bamboo, so you know, not wool. Drapey. It's part of the appeal. But you, when you could have bought wool that knits up nicely at 7 stitches to the inch, which is clearly what you wanted, picked...a DK bamboo.

What really depressed me was thinking through the mental process behind this. Knitter wants a yarn that knits to 7sts to the inch. Not drapey. Picks a drapey yarn that knits to five stitches to the inch. And then bitches about it. Like it's not their fault. And then - the kicker - writes a review complaining about a bamboo yarn being too bamboo-ee!

Bamboo haters, a message; why, why for the love of Pete don't you just pick wool yarns if you hate bamboo so much? It's not like the ball band did'nt tell you! it's called BABY BAMBOO. it's different to wool, hence it's not called BABY WOOL. You picked it. You picked it and then you complained and then you felted it because you need corks on your cutlery and someone to help you cross the road because you, you madame, are a fooly fool.

And I have no way to tell you so.

Sigh. That's better. And by the way? The yarn is luscious and soft, and washes like a dream. And I am going to REVIEW THE HELL OUT OF IT.